HEARTBREAK : The Antidote

By the time I am writing this post, my flatmate just had her most painful heartbreak last night. Her ex called her just to tell her that he and his new partner will be getting married soon. It was almost midnight and I just finished shower then suddenly she came out of her room with phone on her ear, then entered my room and sat on my bed. I can see her shaking as she started to cry when she begged him to speak in a very clear way that he doesn't love her, just to make sure that she won't have any reason left to give a single damn about him anymore. 

Being there and witnessing her at the lowest point of her life kind of reminiscing my own experience of heartbreak. Not so long ago, maybe around four months ago I've just had heartbreak too. And it was the third one since 2015 in a row. I wish I could explain how terrible I felt at that time and how it made me feel like the most unwanted person on earth. But now I'm very grateful for that experience, because it separated me from a person who doesn't want me (and is not able to appreciate my existence) and it gave me the chance to be in love with a new person, my own self. 

See, when we are in love with someone else we tend to be very focus on their well being and showering them with gifts, love, and good wishes for them. We love them, and we love to spoil them. Yes, yes, those are some very good traits of lover over there because the person we love becomes our center of attention and we subconsciously pour out most of our energy for them. But often times we forget to take care of our own self, too. Of course we are happy when our partner is happy but remember, in a relationship there are two persons that you need to love; your partner and yourself. We are always so full of them and at some point their presence becomes our daily-dose, so when that status quo changes through heartbreak we feel sick, lost and empty. 

The thing about heartbreak is, their story in our life just has ended and our story surprisingly and obviously is still going on. When they left us, we still have that job we are currently working on, we still have the same circle of friends, we still have those fancy shoes on our shoe rack, we still have that gorgeous smile, shiny face, and amazing body. We even still have that one person at work who always feel jealous of us (lol). None of those things are changed.

I may be young, but I can say that I know how it felt to have my heart crushed and my trust broken.  Not just the trust to that person (read: ex) but also to myself. I trusted my self and my choice to be with the person who eventually turned out to be someone I never recognized.

Source: Rebelle Society

Things I've learned during and after heartbreaks

Allow me to say this: heartbreak sucks! I never liked it. But I truly am thankful to God for putting me through all of those situations. If having heartbreaks means hitting rockbottom, then it was the most beneficial rockbottom ever because the only way to go is up. So here are some things I've acquired during the rockbottom.

I cannot trust everybody in my circle, even the closest one. Positive thinking towards people is a must, but being aware is more important. In my previous life-stage I was very positive thinking to everything that surrounds me until it reached the point where I subconsciously didn't realize that there are always two sides of people. But now I understand that actually (based on my experience) those sides will occur depends on the person whom you are dealing with. Therefore that brought me to this conclusion: put yourself first.

Yes.

Put yourself first in everything. Literally everything. But only stop when you know that you had enough of it then you can start to prioritize other significant people in your life. This really hits me in the face when I realized that I have done so much for people who doesn't have the ability to appreciate me. I thought that I was just trying to be kind but apparently everyone wear different glasses and some just don't have the common sense at all. Now, by this means I'm not endorsing you to be unkind to people, but at least try to say no. Or if you can't say no at instant, perhaps try to think for a few seconds what would happen if you don't do it? If it certainly will bring quite changes then just do it.

When you start to put yourself first somehow you will begin to take care of yourself. You will be more careful of your everyday intake, physically, emotionally, and intellectually. This is the most thing that people often overlook.The best way to do your self care is to treat yourself like your own child. Because you are so fucking precious and amazing and no one can ever be you.

Self care means a lot to everyone. It could be starting new gym routines, beginning a new healthy diet, treating your skin more often, exercising your mind, balancing your work life and party life, etc. Whatever self-care means to you, don't forget to incorporate it to your daily life.

After years of having my heart broken several times, I finally learned how to cut out everyone who don't give a shit about my well being. And do not feel bad about it. I shift my focus, my energy, my love and my desire for myself. I treat myself. I spend more time with my best friends. Talked a lot with them, laughed with them, doing new things, and extend my interaction with new people as well.

I finally acknowledge that I would never be able to forget those painful memories and the people who did that to me, because the more I try to forget the more it lingers. What I did in the end was, to forgive myself, and them. And only then, whenever those memories come kick in my mind it won't be much of a distraction anymore and I could continue living my amazing and happy life.

Stay awesome guys.